The Post where I should reflect on my first year of service...

I am listening to the slackers... missing dancing to them... missing playing the trombone... but basking in the joy of the music in my ears. We were driving from Bamako to the training center last night... and as we hit this town called Sebenikoro, I saw all of the street vendors. I have rode on that road several times... a few times after dark, but never realized how busy the place really is at night. There was food vendor after food vendor. It has really been a long time since I have walked around at night to check things out. It reminds me that the street food vendors usually don't open shop until after 7 pm....and usually even 8. I forgot about that. I was suddenly reminded about Homestay in Kabe, site that isn't being used this year because it was too dificult to get to and caused logistical problems. I know I never really wrote much about Kabe. I loved Kabe, but for some reason I never got myself to write much about it. I know I have letters about Kabe that I wrote during that time period just sitting in my piles of books... but at the current moment... lost. Last night... I remembered of one specific night. It had rained earlier in the evening. Owa togo fila (the two Owas that I hung out with) and a few other kids had gone to watch the Soap Opera "Paco". After the show... which for some reason was really good that night... we jumped across puddles and miniature streams that covered the road to my house. The littlest of kids just kicked through the water.... which may have been cute in the States, but if you knew what was in the water here... I just cringed and tried to say in my real bad Bambara "stop...dirty..." They just smiled giggled and played harder. So when I got to the house... my mom had given me dinner and the Owas and the kids were just hanging out. My host mom and I were eating together... and I kept asking the Owas to eat with me. It took a bunch of begging and pleading. These girls had just really become my friends.... we were finally getting to understand each other. When they finally gave in to my begging I felt accomplished. Usually after dinner we would sit right outside my h ut by lantern and goof off and talk...Well this night Owa had to sell fried fish and sweet potatoes... so she begged my host mom to let me go. She doesn't go far to sell them... we actually just sat right outside my concession. For some reason, there was a lot of activity that night...Maybe there always was activity, but I never left my concession at night. It was the first time I really experienced nighttime activity.

well that was kind of a lame story.... but it made me smile when I thought about it. Plus I needed to jot it down to remember it.

It has been so strange sitting on the other side of training for the new group that came in. I remeber things completely different from how they really were. It is funny how stress, anxiety, and excitement can mess with your memories and perception. All of the questions that the new trainees have been asking make me reflect on the past year of my service. I am remembering things that I more than likely would have forgotten. Plus, there are questions that make me reflect to how I was before I got here. The "me" I was before coming to Mali...before Peace Corps... then thinking about the "Me" now. A really good friend of mine told me that after reading my blogs and emails he doesn't think he would recognize me. I didn't ask if that was supposed to be a compliment or not. I wanted to use it for reflection. Let me reallly think where I was and where I was going. It is probably true I have changed... well maybe not necessarily changed...but different qualities are expressed more than others now. I guess you would say that is change. I have always been the type of person needing approval for things...having someone always tell me if what I was doing was ok...I remember always asking Mom if joining Peace Corps was the good thing for me to do. I wanted her to tell me what to do. I knew I wanted to do it.. but I needed her to tell me that she was cool with me doing it. Even in Mali... Id ask...I'd get the wise answer from Mom "this is your life Audrey.... you do what you need to do" I have finally let that go....Finally realized... I am an adult... and as selfish as it may be... I need to do things for myself. Especially now before I am married and my life is shared with someone else. I can't imagine what it would be like to sit in front of my parents today. Have Mom and Dad just looking at me. I sometimes dream about just having one day with them. Just to see them to see that they are ok, and just to have them see that I too, am OK. I can only imagine that day.

saw yeah mom and dad... I do miss you guys a bunch


well this post was all over the place... blame it on the great music I was listening too.... Haketo